Different feelings (6-10-2009)

 It is about time for a new travel story from me, but the last few weeks I haven’t really been traveling. I’m back at Merazonia, back at my second home, although it does feel a bit strange sometimes.

I’m not sure if this story will be interesting enough for some of you, but since I usually write about my opinion and thoughts about things, I think this story could show a different aspect of the travel and live experiences of a traveler…

I have to start this story halfway this year when Louisa and I just found out that we like each other more than as just friends. We had some dreams about the near future and one of them was to go together back to Merazonia and help Frank with the daily management. Together Louisa and I would be able to take a lot of sores and worries away from Frank. As a vet Louisa knows far more about animals than we do and as a person she is organized and fills me in on my weaknesses.

The problem with these dreams was that there were still a lot of insecurities. She needed to travel first and I needed to work more as a tour leader, or I wouldn’t have any money left to survive.

A few months later I found out that I kind of lost my job due to low tourism and caring so much about the quality of our service, that the agency became tired of my complains. I decided to go back to Merazonia and would stay there until my agency would changes her mind, I will run out of money, or maybe my/our own agency would start to function… This last one also goes more difficult than expected, due to low tourism and not very well responding from bushiness contacts we need to work with L

I like being at Merazonia, make myself useful and have a good time in the pretty jungle and maybe Louisa could come back as well. Maybe we would be able to forefill part of our earlier dream?

We send her an e-mail, but the short answer wasn’t what I was hoping for L She basically wrote that she wanted to come back, she likes the place and wants to help us as much as possible, but she had no more feelings for me. If it wouldn’t bother me, she wanted to come back as a vet and good friend only…

Hay, now I have a small problem. I’m not in love with her, but I do still have more feelings than just friendship. Having her around me and not being able to be myself will be very difficult. But what to tell her???

Around the same time it got known that the former management couple of Amazoonico would stay for a few months at Merazonia. They were having their own little difficulties. They had just decided to leave Amazoonico, travel around with their 5 year old daughter and try to find a place to start-up their own animal refuge. However when they had just hit the road, they found out that she was pregnant and they would have a baby around October. They needed a save place to hang around and have the baby until they would be able to continue their search for a new home. They decided to stay in Mera and help Merazonia as much as possible with their knowledge of 8 years of managing one of the best animal refuges of Merazonia.

So when Frank asked me if it would be a problem if Louisa would come back this went all through my mind and I said that I would have no problem with her coming back…

It sounds great no, Merazonia would suddenly have 3 great people with lots of useful knowledge and experience around. We could all learn from each other. Louisa would be able to learn practical wildlife experiences from the managers of Amazoonico, Frank could learn a lot from all 3 of them and I could learn from their construction experiences.

Although I personally preferred that Louisa and I would both continue to live our live our own way somewhere in the world, I send Louisa an e-mail that she was more than welcome. But I could only not guaranty that I would be there. I did this, because I still had some hope that my agency would give me a tour and I didn’t want to be part of the reason that she would come back for. My understanding of women is not always correct and if I had understood her wrong and she would lose her flight ticket coming to Merazonia to help, but also to see me again, than I wouldn’t like to disappoint her by not being there.

This all happened a few weeks ago. The former management of Amazoonico arrived here about 2 days before I did and Louisa indeed came back only for Merazonia and is here now for about 3 weeks.

It all took and takes us some time to get used to our (new) situations. We learn from each other, but still need more practice in working together. A good description of our situation is that we have no real chief, too many captains and too less Indians.

The management of Amazoonico is not very used to the different circumstances and working conditions in Merazonia. Louisa is finding her place in a different Merazonia than she left and I have visa problems, not a lot of money left and try to keep working and feelings separate. Some days this is all very difficult, but most days it all works out well. Main well we all do learn from each other and Merazonia wins a lot with us being here. We quickly build a new big cage, improved the quarantine and other cages and prepare Merazonia for the coming of a group of animals which will at ones double the amount we have now. The biggest challenge of the moment is to get us all organized, working together in a routine in which we can all give our best, help the animals, have a great time doing this together and make it easier for Frank to manage the place when we all have to go again. A big challenge, but for sure worth the effort.

Saludos,

Martijn